Niomi

what my brain feels like when experiencing acute traumatic stress

it’s temporary, thank goodness, but devastating

panicked, like a trapped and cornered animal, essentially.

i’m learning to recognize dangerous people and immediately take measures to protect myself and move to a healthier environment rather than freezing and allowing the behaviour and abuse to continue for months on end.

Self-defence against Machiavellian personalities, I need to fuckin’ master it.

a trait I struggle greatly with

I was raised to resist peer pressure and resist doing the same thing that everybody else is doing. It’s not an inherent trait, I was taught to behave this way. Resist peer pressure.

There must be a way to teach children to be individuals and think for themselves, but also play well with others.

anyway.

I admire a group of people who work in perfect harmony together to create a beautiful thing. Not just music, but pretty much anything useful or pretty or interesting.

dragging my sorry ass back up from the depths of a very bad headspace.

in touch, strong, but uplifting, healthy vibes. need more energy like this in my life.

Flowing through my fingers
All through the soil
Up in those trees

I am electricity
And I am light
I are sound itself
And I are flight

cult of life/love or gtfo

I don’t believe in religion or the supernatural but I do believe being a good person matters in the grand scheme of things, even if it doesn’t seem like so in this lifetime.

again, I am drawn towards Buddhism which contains not one word of violence or hatred towards non-believers.

might be something to it.

I may be a wee bit angry at some bullies and creeps, but not stupid or angry enough to get up on stage and incite a public audience to chant death threats at Canadians or Jews or Muslims. Definitely not cool, despite my own rage, definitely not something I support or would do myself.

This is not Canadian behaviour or Canadian culture.

This is a deportable offence.

or worse, Cokehead Catholics 😬💩🤷‍♀️

I’m thinking about buying a solid 4×4 hybrid that can haul at mid-size trailer and taking my time driving it to the west coast with my cats and perhaps a small dog and a human or two, we’ll see… and living in it until I can find a house to rent with a yard or a live-in workspace with a sunny yard I can use.

All I know is, I want to manage my own space rather than living in someone else’s space and it needs to be pet-friendly with some sort of quiet outdoor yard with direct sunlight so I can plant a garden and work on projects outside as needed.

This is better than a hostel or Airbnb especially if I’m parked near a beach or in a secure RV park with a pool etc. and the same price as a studio in any major city along the west coast except I actually own my own home and can move it at will. Sounds like a nice way to relax and repair my broken ass self for a year or two as I work on starting my own business, hopefully improving the community in some way that doesn’t make me feel like shit to live a financially comfortable lifestyle.

#BATHES

that whole body cleanse, like

what’s great about this tv series, Patriot, aside from the jangly folk songs the lead actor sings in cafes and dive bars, is the weight of his depression. he knows his father is an egomaniacal intelligence operative who’s making up fake scenarios just so he has an excuse to go on rogue operations. but his son is the one taking all the abuse and living with the guilt of it, being complicit in killing innocent people just to fluff up his father’s ego.

the egos of our fathers something something…